By Elizabeth Davies
They say that moving cities is one of the most stressful things you can do in your life and day by day I’m realising that’s 100 per cent true.
It’s like standing at the top of a really big cliff and counting down the days until you know you have to jump.
In preparation for the move I’ve already left my job.
I had to resign early in order to attempt to get a job in Tauranga. Unfortunately the job I thought I would get didn’t work out and now I’m left in limbo.
For the first time since I was about fifteen I’m not working full time or studying full time while holding down a part time job.
On a day to day basis I’m unemployed. Perhaps I should feel liberated and relaxed but in reality all I feel is terrified and anxious.
I’m suffering all the tell-tale symptoms of unemployment. My house is disturbingly clean and tidy, every pair of my socks is perfectly bundled, bad reality TV echoes through the halls and I’m constantly baking – then immediately eating everything I bake.
I find myself sleeping more, and unable to sit still. I was and continue to be scared that unemployment will suck me into the deep pits of depression but it would seem that anxiety is my real problem.
Anxiety is like the scab that will heal if you just stop picking it, but you can’t. I’m constantly calculating and re-calculating my budget counting the days my savings will last until I’m really in trouble.
In less than thirty days I’m moving to a new city where I have no friends and no job prospects.
Regular employment provides a number of things that help keen me sane – routine, financial security, and a sense of satisfaction from having contributed something, anything, to society.
Unemployment means I have all day, every day to freak out about my future.
My whole relationship dynamic will also be changing as for the first time in three and a half years I’ll be financially relying on my partner until I find a job of my own.
The idea of having all my independence and purpose stripped away only adds to my anxiety.
I put on a brave face most of the time. I make jokes about the things that stress me out and laugh off the fact that I have no idea what I’m doing, but the truth is, I’m scared and feeling a little bit lost.
Is the quarter life crisis a real thing? Some days it feels like it.
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Elizabeth Davies is a 24 year-old graduate of the Auckland University of Technology post graduate journalism course. She lives with her partner in Epsom and spends her free time refurbishing vintage furniture and attempting to bake while fighting a daily battle against her bank balance. She writes a weekly article for interest.co.nz on money matters and financial struggles from a young person's perspective.
16 Comments
... she's not starving in some central African hell-hole , not being shot at by the Israelis as she goes to the shops in Palestine , not lying on a canvas bed hallucinating with ebola or malaria virus , not retching from polluted Ganges River water , not choking from smog in Beijing ...
What's yer problem , hon ?
This comments going to ruffle some feathers and is jumping topics, but..
More and more you see articles around women, especially younger ones not given equal opportunity, male dominated executive teams etc. But is this type of mentality not a common example as to why leadership teams aren’t diverse as some would like?
Moving towns, with in reality, very few real problems is being seen as “standing on the edge of a cliff”.
On average, this feeling of fear or insecurity and risk adverse behaviour seems much more prominent in females (from what I’ve seen over a career in business). Over and over again when situations arise where a risk needs to be taken or someone needs to expose the elephant in the room, more often than not, the voice is not female.
Or if it is, it comes delayed and is not instinctive and proactive. Not just business either, in general life (such as this), the questions regarding security, safety and assurance more often than not come from one side of the table. Think back to hundreds of experiences of dining out, going on a Sunday drive, DIY, shopping etc etc On average, who’s more likely to slow down that decision making, take a conservative route, fear roughing it in the short term? I think the %’s wouldn’t be too far off what you see in executive team gender profiles. Is that more than a coincidence?
So if you take those attributes into the commercial world and as a leader of a business looking for growth, who do you want on your side?
I have no problems at all with females at the board table, but think they aren’t represented as often due to my points above, i.e. on average, not having enough of the required mentality to work your way there. I don’t mean to use Elizabeth as a direct example, rather thinking generally in biases and approach to risk between genders and using this random article, with everyday common challenges as an example.
Not my experience
I have been involved in the field of analytics and decision-making for many years. I have had the privilege of knowing and working with some of the smartest brains around. Four of them were female who stood head and shoulders above the rest. One was a serious risk taker who was invariably right. Another slightly less so. You would be surprised. They are around. They do exist. Just got to look for them.
I have been extremely lucky in the people I have known.
If I was starting a venture today, I would know now exactly what attributes to look for.
Couldn’t agree more. I’m in a similar field and think back to the best I saw, two of which were female, easily a notch above the rest. This isn’t my point, instead I’m talking wider and purposely bolded the word on average and wanted to show how reactions like the above, is everyday example on the reasons for thinking (might not be rational) behind for lack of executive diversity. In the workplace where issues are larger, the reactions or differences in thought then come across bigger again.
In most cases these good people we mention will go very far, but there equals from the graduate days may have no progressed as fast as males, due to ‘on average’ certain leadership attributes are missing or assumed missing. What is a shame, is when these very successful ones are held back through stereotyping or managers with confirmation bias, when looking past the good female because in his/her experience he’s seen better performing men than woman.
The other bias here is, and me using this as an example might indicate I have it is, assuming the writer is risk adverse based on one situation/scenario. This is false thinking as everyone’s got preferences and different levels of security around different subjects. i.e. Assuming saying someone that doesn’t like vegetables, doesn’t like food. Although this is irrational thinking, if it’s the only information the hiring manager has, he/shes going to act on it.
No, males tend to take stupid testosterone driven risks without thinking through the consquences, I'd guess that is biology. Risk has to be quantified and balanced against the rewards, woman seem better at this and also managing ppl IMHO.
Why do you want growth? do you not understand the concept of a finite planet that has limits?
regards
What about leaving a great high profile job in NZ to join some nutcase in Chicago that you recently got married to...with no money, no job, no uni degree...
I'll tell you what happens that person (my wife) took a job on minimum wage as a store assistant and by her 3rd year was deputy managing a $30 USD million store looking after 150 staff...
Cheer up...its all there for the taking...
Time will offer you some perspective on this, and you will look back wondering why you were worrying about it.
I remember posing myself several questions around the same age, only to get older and wonder what I was worrying about. Like a fine wine, here I am, getting more and more refined (read: stupid) by the day.
The world is your oyster.
A dryed-up, oil-depleted, panic-filled, OMG this is the hardest thing ever, the end is nigh, oyster. Depending on who you listen to.
Or it's a big, exciting world with a whole bunch of new mates to meet, boys/girls to date, summer/surfing (NZ), winter/skiing (Europe). Languages. Good life decisions. Parties. Laughter. Food. Post-party food. Bad life decisions. Oktoberfest. Germany. German girls. Dirndls.
I could go on, but I fear I've reached my positive-sentiment-per-post limit.
In time you will see your current silliness for what it is. Listen to older people who've been there done that. And those who are still out there making mistakes.
*dips hat*
*rides off into the sunset*
You made a decision based on what you thought as the best way forward, at least you made one. You made a mistake but doesnt sound a serious one but gained experience. In my twenties I too made such changes/decisions that didnt work out that well.
Congrats on that.
just under 20 years ago I moved to NZ, no friends, no job prospects, 35 years later it worked out.
Though I might yet strangle the native born teenagers I have...
grrrrr....
;]
regards
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