Sometimes life throws us a curveball, you may know that it’s waiting in the wings, but when it comes it's still a shock.
I had one of those happen this week.
For those of you who have been following me a while, know that I relocated a year ago (yes, I have had my first anniversary of living in Tasman), and my Mum followed me down a few months later.
One of the reasons for the move, was for Mum and I to be closer to each other, as at the age of 80, she’s starting to slow down a bit, plus we also both wanted to return to our roots in the South Island.
Mum is fit and active, but she also has a couple of heart conditions which are very well managed with medication, but the curveball waiting in the wings, is we are never know when the condition will flare up and how severe it will be. We had one of those flare up’s last week, and it was a major.
We are still living in a building site, and Mum loves making the team their morning coffee, she had just done the morning coffee run and heading back to the kitchen she collapses and it’s all on. Fortunately, Mum has the St John Ambulance alert, so we activated that, and the paramedics and ambulance arrived very quickly and not long after, Mum was on her way to hospital.
They stabilised her in hospital, and after having a lovely chat to the staff in the emergency room, she was discharged and is now back home, her usual bright bubbly self, I’m very glad to say.
The next day, we were having a quiet cuppa (I’ve taken over the coffee making for the building team for the next few days), and we both realised that even though we knew the curve ball was there, we were totally unprepared for this kind of emergency.
I had no idea about Mum’s medication, or that she had a list of it all in her handbag. I didn’t know where she kept her phone charger, or how to reach her friends to let them know she wouldn’t make it to whatever group it was she was going to that day, as Mum’s whole life is on her phone, and that was in the ambulance with her!
Then, the penny dropped. If it had been me in the ambulance, Mum had no idea how to contact my team, or access my email, or anything else that would need to be done in my business.
We really had dropped the ball on this one.
So, we are both preparing an emergency kit, it will have all the practical stuff, like a spare phone charger, change of clothes, and a book. But in addition to that we are also checking all the other information that we need to have, like important contacts, the legal documents we need to have in place so we can get around the privacy issues and access each other’s bank accounts, and other necessary information.
We had the conversation after my Dad passed away about the plan for the very end and Mum’s wishes, but we hadn’t done anything about the what if we just get sick conversation.
These kinds of conversations are really important, not just when you are dealing with an elderly parent, but also at any age and stage of life.
I know it’s not pleasant to have to think about the what ifs of a not nice event, but if we don’t, we could be throwing our families into chaos that they don’t need to be in, when they are already stressed to the max by whatever has happened.
I urge you, don’t wait until the ambulance is pulling out of the driveway to start thinking about who you are going to call. I’m not sure Ghostbusters, would be much help!
Before I close for the week, I would just like to acknowledge the amazing St Johns Ambulance team her in Motueka, as well as the staff in Nelson Hospital who had the pleasure of Mum’s company for a few hours.
Our community, friends and all of the people who have been involved in our building project wrapped their arms around us both and showed us so much care, I am truly humbled. Thank you.
*Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.
2 Comments
Thank you for sharing your experience Lynda & glad to hear your mum has come through this.
You didn't mention it above however an Enduring Power of Attorney (2 for health & wealth) could also be considered for both of you.
Having full access to my partners phone & computer (contacts, accounts, social media, photos etc) was a real help when my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly a few years ago (during a Covid lockdown & with all her own family living overseas).
Yeah... I'm a a stage further along with my mum, who is in late Alzheimer's.
One frustration I have found is how many agencies / services want to see the Enduring Power of Attourney. Somewhere along the way it has been misplaced, and while it's a simple matter to source a copy from the lawyers (for a fee) a more timely effort to photocopy the darned thing would have been handy.
It gets confusing when you've got multiple agencies involved. Hospital based assessors, home help agencies, the GP, the ED department. There's a sea of communications, but I'm at a loss to comprehend the diversity of whom to contact when issue 'X' arises. Those in the job know their place in the array, but to those of us intermittently exposed to these folks, they're all just unknown people from unknown service, doing and job of unknown scope.
To make it worse, there's also a huge churn / turnover of these workers. You'll rarely have the same person doing the same job the next time you need to touch base with them.
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