Lynda Moore says a regular planned meeting to talk about family finances will turn from dealing with today's stresses to more about planning your future and celebrating your wins

What the heck is she on about now?! Why on earth do we need to have a financial date night?  These are some of the reactions I get when I suggest couples get together to specifically talk about money.

Are they important?  Yes. Are they easy? Not to start with, particularly if you are feeling a bit stressed about money, which right now a lot of couples are. 

What is the point of a financial date night?  It’s a set time where you know you are going to talk about money.

Often these conversations get sprung on each other and that is when they are more likely to turn into arguments that are totally non-productive.

If you don’t like the idea of a financial date night, or feel you just aren’t ready for it, then a kitchen table check-in is a good place to start to tackle a single issue or concern.

Set aside some time to sit round the kitchen table, if you have children you may want to involve them in some of the discussion (age appropriate of course). 

There are a few guidelines.  Don’t spring this on your partner. Some of what you are going to talk about may not be pleasant to hear.  The ‘honey we need to cut back expenses’ conversation for example.

There is no judgement allowed on how or why you got to this point. Instead, listen, acknowledge, be open and understanding.  Once you have the problem or issue aired, then start brainstorming.  Nothing is a silly or dumb idea.  Be creative (within the bounds of the law) about how to solve the problem.  Think about alternatives, come up with a plan of action.  Make sure you build in a bit of flexibility so you can change the plan around if you need to. Then support each other and allocate tasks so you all contribute to the solution.

Once you have had a few of these, the thought of a financial date night may gain in appeal. As the purpose of a financial date night isn’t just to look backwards, it’s to look forward as well.

Just like a regular date night with your partner is a great way to take the time to relax and enjoy each other’s company without all the distractions that happen when we are at home.   A financial date night is the same.

It doesn’t have to be dinner, it could be a picnic lunch in the park, or breakfast at home before the rest of the family wake up.  Whatever time of the day or wherever you choose to go setting aside time to talk about your finances is important, not just for your finances but for your relationship as well.

Here are a few tips for a successful financial date.

1. Schedule them at a regular time and day each month, otherwise time will slip by without you realising you have missed a couple of months
2. Don’t spring the money conversation on your partner during a regular date night…. It is bound to end in disaster
3. If you are the person who looks after the money always start with the positives, what went well during the month, were there any surprises, what didn’t go so well.
4. Use this time to do some forward planning, what is coming up in the next month, weekends away, birthday’s trips to the dentist?
5. Check in with your goals make sure you celebrate your successes
6. Don’t continue if the discussion is getting a little heated (as they might do if you are both feeling stressed about money) stop the date and pick it up again when emotions have cooled.
7. Set the tone for the date as you would an ordinary date night, get rid of distractions, find a comfy spot, have snacks and drinks if you want them, start and end your date with a hug regardless of what has gone on in the middle.

As you get into the swing of your financial dates, they will become less about what happened last month to more about planning your future and celebrating your wins.

The alternative? Arguing about money, avoiding talking about it, or a lot of unfinished conversations. This can lead to bitterness and frustration which is not the best pathway to financial or relationship harmony.

*Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.