I’m always scanning global publications for articles about human behaviour and the relationship with money. An article popped up in my feed that ticked both these boxes (money and psychology) and, at first glance, it did seem to be all about money.
It turned out that only part of it was. However, the rest of the article dealt with human relationships, specifically men and women in relationships.
The story, published by a site called The Urban Twist, looked at the top five secrets men kept from women. The number one secret that men keep from women is money. Surprise, surprise!
Since what I mentor (money psychology) is inextricably linked with human relationships, I decided to dissect the whole article here. Enjoy!
Recent studies suggest that men tend to be less forthright than women, especially in their interactions with the opposite gender. So, what's the nature of these untruths? While some are fairly benign, others may warrant an open conversation. Here are five key secrets men often keep from women:
1. The Money Matters
Money-related secrets often top the list.
If a man's partner earns more, he might not be entirely honest about his own income. Many also downplay or hide their weekly spending habits, from casual dining to entertainment. In fact, some men maintain a clandestine "rainy day" fund. However, money remains a touchy subject for many, irrespective of gender.
2. Concealing True Feelings
Men might not always be forthcoming about their deepest emotions.
Society has conditioned many to suppress feelings of fear, anxiety, or vulnerability. However, initiating a heartfelt conversation can bridge this emotional disconnect. Lead by expressing your own feelings – it reminds men that being in touch with one's emotions is natural.
3. Appearance Matters to Us Too
Contrary to popular belief, men too have appearance-related insecurities.
While women are generally more vocal about their self-image concerns, men grapple with them silently. A kind word or two about how they look can boost their confidence. Also, fashion advice or gifting a classy shirt or pair of trousers ahead of a special occasion will likely be appreciated.
4. Noticing Other Women
Men do find other women appealing, but this doesn't inherently spell disloyalty.
Acknowledging someone's attractiveness is a far cry from seeking a new partner. Men can appreciate beauty without compromising their commitment.
5. Opting for the Easier Path with Lies
At times, men sidestep the truth to avoid confrontation. While these lies are intended to keep the peace, they can sometimes cause more harm than good.
Looking Beyond the Secrets
With a clearer understanding of these male secrets, one can better navigate the complexities of interpersonal relationships. Often, these secrets stem from a genuine desire to keep the peace and promote happiness.
However, the subject of financial infidelity is particularly glaring. Concealing financial realities is a severe trust violation, with the potential for lasting relationship harm.
*Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.
47 Comments
Preferably NZherald Premium Viva.
I always wonder who the heck would pay for those Viva articles. This passé tripe could go next to: "Salon Etiquette: No, Your Nail Tech Doesn’t Want To Treat Your Dirty Nails, And Other Manicure Manners" (Seriously, it's a headline on Viva - check it out if you don't believe me.)
Sounds very superficial and shallow.
It's called intimacy, (into-me-see) and authenticity, the idea to create a deeper bond. If you can't share these things what relationship do you have with yourself or the other?
Men and women "should" be responsible for themselves without devaluing the other for not living up to their "standards".
Expressing fear and anxiety is not being intimate. It's more likely to break bonds than strengthen them. Better to be a "rock" or "tower of strength"
If you are in a lifelong relationship with another person a high standard of self care should be a priority. Here the man can lead by example.
It takes strength to be vulnerable - if one fears the bond will be broken, there's an element of trust missing and the bond's not really that strong to start with. It's called supporting each other through tough times.
Imagine if all the men taking their own lives felt able to ask for support instead of believing they had to be a "rock"?
Are men overstating their income for their own benefit, or to avoid judgement from their partner? If he is already paying his own share of any combined expenses, and meeting joint saving goals, what dies it matter if he buys trinkets for himself? And for the partner?
Are men not sharing their emotions enough, or are women oversharing their own emotions? Does a man's emotions even psychologically impact his life as much as a woman's do her? is this even a gendered topic?
Who is setting the appearance bar? Are prospective partners attracted to men who are "their true self" in every sense, or do they all expect a flawless Timothee Chalamet/George Clooney/[insert current heartthrob of the month] character?
...etc
Perspective counts.
Yup, it did. If it's any consolation, it's pretty insulting if you are the gender being addressed. I'm a woman, I come here to read about finance and economics. I don't need yet another media venue to feed me articles full of patronizing advice about how and when to compliment men on their looks and how to help men to get in touch with and express their emotions, particularly under the guise of personal finance advice. It actually makes me pretty angry that this sort of article is being posted here.
Obviously! It's because I'm fat and ugly, dress badly, and I don't know how to talk to men. Clearly I didn't spend enough time reading Cosmopolitan as a teenager, and to fill the gap interest.co.nz needs to start running articles on top ten tips for perfect mascara application and how to get your body bikini ready for summer.
Funny as a man I read it as an insult to men, how I am emotionally stunted, unable to accept accept that a woman earns more then me, and that I need fashion tips and advice from my wife.
It's interesting how the same article can be interpreted so differently based on your perspective.
I bought an engine that ended up being a certain widow maker in the car I already had (1000 + hp and 1200kgs). So I bought the UK car for the engine - an unfinished tube framed race car, currently with race car fabricator in the UK getting some stuff done before shipping home. Id love an E type, been a fan forever.
"Recent studies suggest that men tend to be less forthright than women, especially in their interactions with the opposite gender."
As a twice married man (total 45years) , with the usual quota of grandmothers, mother, sister, daughter & work colleagues I think thats a very bold claim.
Which studies were these & who did they ask ?
Lol massive generalisations. Science, humans trying to understand human behaviour can't possibly take into account the various environmental influences, (generational, societal, cultural programming) and it all eventually leads back to money.
The information age - the multitudes rehashing, reprinting, reposting - no discernment for truth.
Most humans wouldn't know their relationship with themselves and suck in external information telling them how they should be, what they should be doing. Most humans wouldn't know how to effectively communicate their inner workings, their inner truths and lies.
Rather than "why does one do what they do with money", the real question might be "why does one do what they do with their life?"
This seems like a very lazy article - a 'dissection' (which appears in reality to be a brief summary of) some points apparently made in an article written by someone else that appears elsewhere, which is not linked to (and the author isn't named). Finished off by the rather obvious claim that hiding money info from your partner can be bad for your relationship.
Is this article meant to be advertising for the author's services? Or is interest.co.nz paying the author for it?
Disagree.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_economics
You'd be amazed how often the human psyche plays into economic events. Further, there are distinct and proven differences between how women and men "invest". It's a fascinating area of study ... particularly as women are participating much more in economic decision making than they did 50 years ago.
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